Sunday, May 10, 2015

Insults - Classic and Classy

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease. 
That depends, Sir, said Disraeli, whether I embrace your policies or your mistress. 
He had delusions of adequacy.     
     - Walter Kerr
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
     - Winston Churchill

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
     - Clarence Darrow   --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
     - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.
     - Moses Hadas

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
     - Mark Twain

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
     - Oscar Wilde

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.
     - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second .... if there is one.
     - Winston Churchill, in response

I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.
     - Stephen Bishop    -----------------------------------------------------------------------

He is a self-made man and worships his creator.
     - John Bright

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
     - Irvin S. Cobb
 He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.
     - Samuel Johnson
He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.
     - Paul Keating
In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.
     - Charles, Count Talleyrand     ---------------------------------------------------------------------
He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
     - Forrest Tucker
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
     - Mark Twain
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
     - Mae West
 Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
     - Oscar Wilde
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.
     - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
     - Billy Wilder
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it.
     - Groucho Marx

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