In the UK these days, they’re really getting serious about recent terrorist threats, so they’ve now raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, security levels may be raised yet again, this time to “Irritated,” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the Blitz in 1940, when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorist organizations have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning was during the Great Fire of 1666.
Meanwhile, Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's get the Bastards”. Scots don't have any other levels, which is why they have been used on the front lines in the British Army for the last 300 years!
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white-flag factory, effectively paralyzing the nation’s entire military capability.
Italy has increased its alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Only two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They have only one higher level: “Torpedo an American Cruise Ship.”
Belgians, meanwhile, show no fear, except that NATO may pull its headquarters out of Brussels!
Not to be outdone, the Spanish are excited to see their new fleet of submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully-designed subs all have glass bottoms, so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good view of the old Spanish Navy.
Meanwhile, Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's get the Bastards”. Scots don't have any other levels, which is why they have been used on the front lines in the British Army for the last 300 years!
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white-flag factory, effectively paralyzing the nation’s entire military capability.
Italy has increased its alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Only two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They have only one higher level: “Torpedo an American Cruise Ship.”
Belgians, meanwhile, show no fear, except that NATO may pull its headquarters out of Brussels!
Not to be outdone, the Spanish are excited to see their new fleet of submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully-designed subs all have glass bottoms, so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good view of the old Spanish Navy.
New Zealand has raised its security level, from “baaa” to “BAAAA!” Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, “Shit, I Sure Hope Australia Comes and Rescues Us”.
And Australia has raised its security level from “No Worries” to “She'll be Right, Mate” One more level remains: “I Think We'll Need to Cancel the Barbie this Weekend,” So far, no situation has ever warranted issuance of this final escalation.
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