From an Old Salt: Our Navy, Then and Now

Then - If you smoked, you had an ashtray on your desk. 

Now - If you smoke, you get sent outside and treated like a leper, if you're lucky.

Then - Mail took weeks to come to the ship. 

Now - Every time you get near land, there's a mob topside to see if their cell phones work.

Then - If you left the ship it was in Blues or Whites, even in home port,

Now - The only time you wear Blues or Whites is for ceremonies.

Then - You wore bell bottoms everywhere on the ship. 

Now - bell bottoms are gone and 14 year-old girls wear them everywhere.

Then - You wore a Dixie cup all day, with every uniform. 

Now - It's not required and you have a choice of different hats.

Then - If you said "damn," people knew you were annoyed and avoided you. 

Now - If you say "damn" you'd better be talking about a hydro electric plant.

Then -The Ships Office yeoman had a typewriter on his desk for doing daily reports. 

Now - Everyone has a computer with Internet access and they wonder why no work is getting done.

Then - We painted pictures of pretty girls on airplanes to remind us of home. 

Now - We put the real thing in the cockpit.

Then - Your girlfriend was at home, praying you would return alive. 

Now - She is on the same ship, praying your condom worked.

Then - If you got drunk off duty, your buddies would take you back to the ship so you could sleep it off. 

Now - If you get drunk off duty, they slap you in rehab and ruin your career.

Then - Canteens were made out of steel and you could heat coffee or hot Chocolate in them. 

Now - Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat them because they'll melt, and anything inside always tastes like plastic.

Then - Our top officers were professional sailors first.  They commanded respect. 

Now - Our top officers are politicians first. They beg not to be given a Wedgie.

Then - They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it. 

Now - They collect our pee and analyze it.

Then - If you didn't act right, they'd put you on extra duty until you straightened up. 

Now - If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you Forever.

Then - Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own. 

Now - Medals are awarded to people who show up for work most of the time.

Then - You slept in a barracks, like a soldier. 

Now - You sleep in a dormitory, like a college kid.

Then - You ate in a Mess Hall or Galley.  It was free and you could have all the food you wanted. 

Now - You eat in a Dining Facility.  Every slice of bread or pat of butter costs, and you can only have one.

Then - If you wanted to relax, you went to the Rec Center, played pool, smoked and drank beer. 

Now -You go to the Community Center and can still play pool, maybe.

Then - If you wanted a quarter beer and conversation, you could go to the Chief's or Officers' Club. 

Now - The beer will cost you three dollars and someone is watching to see how much you drink.

Then - The Exchange had bargains for sailors who didn't make much money. 

Now - You can get better merchandise and cheaper at Wal-Mart.

Then - If an Admiral wanted to make a presentation, he scribbled down some notes and a YN spent an hour preparing a bunch of charts. 

Now - The Admiral has his entire staff spending days preparing a Power Point Presentation.

Then - We called the enemy things like "Commie Bastards" and "Reds" because we didn't like them. 

Now - We call the enemy things like "Opposing Forces" and "Aggressors or Insurgents" so we won't offend them.

Then - We declared victory when the enemy was dead and all his things were broken. 

Now - We declare victory when the enemy says he is sorry and won't do it again.

Then - A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people. 

Now - A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.

Thank God I was  in the "Old Navy" . . . and proud of it.