Monday, May 28, 2012

Many Good Things About Getting Old But I Can't Remember Any of Them


I've sure gotten old!  I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that  make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.  Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.  Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

Know how to prevent sagging? 
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 
'For fast relief.'

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. 
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. 
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '
98,' she replied . . . .  'Two years older than me' 
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

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